WOW...long time

So...it's been forever since I blogged...probably because I have become a MYSPACE addict thanks to Jules introducing me to it.

I jumped on to check the blog of my dear friend Rebecca and it made me realize I need to keep up my blog better...atleast now and then so she can keep tabs on me =-) and it also made me realize how much I miss her. She used to live in Seattle...just an hour or so drive away, but now she is in the Denver area...not just a drive away...and I miss her. I'm hoping to be able to go visit her sometime in 2007 (yes I like to plan ahead). It would be awesome if Chris, Kylee and myself could go on a road trip...but if that doesn't happen maybe I can fly over for a long weekend of fun. Miss ya Bec!

I felt like blogging...because for the first time in a long time...I kind of feel at ease with things in my life that seemed to be spinning out of control before. There are toys spread out across my house...that I often trip on, the dishes are not done, the table I worked so hard to clean off is full of stuff already, I have a ton of work to do in the morning, I have a ton of phone calls to make tomorrow, my floors aren't clean, the laundry isn't done, my husband's lunch isn't made, the litter box needs to be cleaned, something might be wrong with my car, my furnace is about to die on me, and the junk I needed to put away on the counter from a week ago...is still there...but that is okay. Do you know why it's okay...it just is...the world isn't going to end because my floors are dirty. I need to stress less is my epiphany of the day.

I had an AWESOME weekend with my husband. His 27th birthday was Friday...we celebrated by having dinner with family at his favorite place to eat, then we dropped off Kylee with my mom and headed home for a big weekend of surprise fun. Saturday started by getting up early cause I was so excited. We had breakfast in Tacoma, took an hour long ferry ride from Bremerton to Seattle (neither of us had done since we were little), then visited the Ballard Locks, had lunch at Anthony's Homeport on Shilshole Bay, then drove to Maryville where we stayed at the local Best Western, did some shopping at the Seattle Premium Outlets, then hit the Tulalip Casino for dinner and some gambling...and once again...we didn't win. However, it was okay cause we enjoyed each other for the first time in a long time I think. It felt like old times...and it felt really nice to come to the realization...we really do love each other still. I know that sounds bad, but sometimes we take each other for granted and don't realize what a great thing we have. We get so busy with the business of day to day life we forget about appreciating what we have infront of us.

We picked up our little girl we missed dearly and were home by noon. We spent the rest of the day watching Nascar and doing little things around the house. My hubby and roomie installed a new chandalier (?spell) above the kitchen table...wow it puts out light...but it looks great. I was hoping to pick up the house today...cause a 1 1/2 year old is sometimes hard to keep up with...but I didn't get to it...oh well...there is always tomorrow.

I am a busy girl in the upcoming weeks. I am soooo looking forward to my Baptism taking place at Easter Vigil Mass on April 15...but before then we have many exciting things taking place in preparation for Baptism. I have been taking classes and looking forward to the coming days for a year now. WOW...time flies when you are having fun. I can't imagine my life without the people and support of St. Michael Parish...and the faith that has built within in me in this last year. I am so looking forward to the upcoming events.

Friday is St. Patricks Day...cool it falls on a Friday...but rather than going out I think we'll be at home moving furniture since we are getting our carpets cleaned Saturday morning. We were supposed to go to a going away party for Chris's cousin Saturday (she is going to Italy for 3 months for school), but that might be a no go...so maybe we'll just watch Harry Potter and Walk the Line.

Busy week ahead for work...have a good week all!

Just Feel Like Blogging

I just feel like blogging. The coming weeks...what am I talking about...the coming months are busy. Do you ever wonder how are lives get so packed with so much to do? We have things going on every weekend from now until February...no joke. I think I'll make it a goal to in 2006 to always schedule one weekend a month for nothing...meaning no plans can be made...cause 2005 seemed to always have something. (ya, we'll see if 2006 is any different).

I haven't felt like working this week, although there is plenty to do. My brain is overwhelmed with thinking about how I am going to get things done before Christmas. We get so frantic planning and thinking about things we sometimes forget to sit back and enjoy this time of the year. So...I am trying to lay back a bit more...still thinking...but calmly.

My mom is coming down to go to mass with me tonight. It's the Feast of the Immaculate Conception of Mary (I think just a Catholic Church thing), so we are going to head there as soon as she gets to our house. Hmm...wonder if I need to make her something for dinner that she can eat in the car, cause we gots to go as soon as she gets there. I missed mass on Sunday, so it'll be nice to go tonight. It will give me an extra ounce of peace in the week.

This weekend is going to fly. We are going to get our Christmas tree...and my moms and grandparents on Saturday. We go to a tree farm in Rainier (the town, not the mountain) and cut down fresh trees. It's become a tradition for the last few years. Chris, myself, and Josh always have fun doing it. It's kinda cute when you think about it...they follow me around the tree farm waiting for me to find the perfect tree...then I change my mind...we look some more...they follow some more...then they cut down the tree I find and all is good. They tease me the whole time to pick a tree, but I know they like romping around out there.

After getting the trees we'll head down to drop off the others at my mom's place. After that we are going to do some Christmas shopping, grocery shopping, Costco, Wal-Mart or Target, then pick up our daugther...since granmda Mary is watching her while we do all this running around.

Things with Chris and I are going quite well. He is "sort of" following the chore list...although I am guilty of "sort of" following the chore list. It's more of a guideline to know what we need to do that week. We both HATE unloading the dishwasher. Don't ask me why, neither of us like to do it, so now it depends on whose week it is...same goes for the litter box and stuff like that. I am just thankful we are getting along almost 2 weeks now without a blow up. Perhaps Rebecca was saying some really really strong prayers for me (wink wink)...if so I am very thankful.

Chris just called to say he was on his way home...he is down cause his check is smaller due to missing 3 days...2 for Thanksgiving (no holiday pay) and a day because of the snow...and they found out no Christmas bonus. So...I can tell he is poopy because we have been struggling a bit financially the last couple weeks. All I can do is try to be peppy and make him realize it is okay, we can have fun at home and enjoy this time of the year w/o a bunch of money.

I better get back to work. Hope all is well...blog ya later =-)

Seahawks ROCK!

The Seahawks ROCK! They totally stomped on the Eagles tonight...for Monday night football. Maybe stomped is an understatement???

Live Your Dash

Today at the funeral for Marty...the pastor really made me think about something...even Chris commented on it.

Ya know how when you look at a grave or tombstone it has your birthday and your date of death...say 1/1/60 - 2/1/05...did ya ever wonder why they put the dash in the middle? Most people just say it separates the dates. Did you ever realize that dash is a lifetime...a lifetime whatever you make of it. God put us on this earth to live the dash. Marty totally lived the dash.

We heard story upon story upon story about Marty's life, how he loved family, loved friends, loved working hard, strived for excellence, how he loved woodworking, about generous things he has done, how every year he went to Yakima to pick fruit so he could can it and have it for the coming year and give to others, and how everyone in his family loved his buttermilk pancakes, how he used to make the kids go to church with their mom while he stayed home to get the pancakes ready, how he built homes for people, how he built cabins for his family, how he kept up with the news and politics, and how he had an awesome sense of humor, and how he did everything with a smile, how he had been married 51 years, how he loved his kids and grandkids and how they loved and admired him back, how he always made everyone feel welcomed in his life. Marty lived the dash.

Hearing about Marty's life today made me want to live my dash. I want my life to be one that people look back on and say...wow...she really lived her life...what a fruitful life she had...Amber lived her dash...and she lived it well. I want the same thing for Chris and the same thing for my children. I want to make sure we live our dash to the fullest in the best way we can.

Long Day

Wow...has it really been almost a month since I posted a blog? Yup...almost.

Today was a long day. It started around 6:30am when my alarm was going off and I was hitting the snooze wondering why on earth my alarm was set in the first place. Chris rolls over and tells me I better get moving since I have already hit the snooze too many times. Then I think...oh ya...we have to be in Lakewood for the funeral at 9:00am.

Another death in 2005...it's like number 5 or 6 for people we know this year. Today we laid to rest Marty Overland...a super close friend of Chris's family. See if you can follow this...Chris's dad is Hal...Hal's sister is Tina...Tina was married to Kevin for over 10 years...Kevin's dad is Marty. So...for all those years that Tina and Kevin were married Chris's family was part of their family and continued to be after Tina and Kevin were divorced. Tina and Kevin had Karley and Colin (Chris's cousins)...whose grandfather was Marty. Do you follow...basically Marty was family to Chris and his family and I have become close to the entire family since being with Chris over 8 years.

Every Memorial Day and most Labor Days we go camping at Alder Lake with Marty's family...he and his wife Mary have 5 kids and they all have kids. I have camped with the Overlands since 1998 and we attend family functions of theirs and vice versa, they were all at our wedding, they are like an extended family...you get the picture. So...todays funeral was like losing a grandfather to Chris. He had a really hard time. As soon as we sat down Karley (Chris's cousin, it was her grandpa) came walking towards us and started crying...and so did we cause we felt her loss. I didn't really know what to say to her...so I just hugged her and tried to talk about something else. Karley is a pretty quiet girl, but she's come out of her shell a bit lately...it was hard to see her so emotional and hurting.

So many people who have become part of my life since knowing Chris were there...and so many were in tears. Chris's sister was behind us sobbing as if it was her grandfather. It's so hard to hear songs like "Amazing Grace" when someone has passed, it just hits your core. Marty and his 4 brothers all served in WWII, and all survived, so Marty received the military honors, and let me tell you...I don't know if there was a dry eye when they played "Tapps" and folded the flag and handed it to Marty's wife Mary. A couple of his kids spoke as well as his grandchildren and I kept thinking...oh gosh...we're going to have to do this for my gramps soon. Chris and I were emotional over this...how will I handle my own grandfather.

After the speaking and what not they opened the caskett and allowed people to say their last goodbyes before we headed outside for the graveside service. Neither Chris nor I could go up...I just couldn't bare to do it after seeing my 7 year old cousin Brianna laying in her caskett in May. It tore me apart and I didn't want to live that memory again...I just didn't want to go there. Chris has lost both of his grandfathers in the last 9 years and it was just too much for him. He cried through almost the entire service in the chapel.

It became very clear to me how important Marty was to my family...to Chris, to Hal, to Mary, and to Amy. Chris's tough dad was crying...tears were rolling down his face. This is something I have rarely seen of my father-in-law...except the day when Chris, his mom, and myself went to get him at work on March 3, 1999 to tell him his father had passed away...that is the only other time I have seen him cry. It became clear to me how many more memories they had of Marty and what a big role he had actually played in their lives...bigger than I had imagined.

After the chapel service we then went to the graveside...where again we said final prayers and as a family in one huge hug we said goodbye. Chris was totally losing it...he was crying and I could see his hands quiverring. The memory of his grandfathers and their life and passing seeming so present to him...so fresh...several years ago I just stood there and held him tight...trying to be his rock...cause he needed to let those tears go...and today I needed to be his rock.

After the graveside service we went to the Tacoma Elks for a gathering...to eat basically and watch the continuous slide show of Marty's life. What did I learn today? Marty Overland was a man who loved his family dearly, he loved his friends dearly, and was an honorable hard working man with a joy for many things. Over and over we heard people say how important his family and friends were and what a hard worker he was. Marty lived life...he lived life to the fullest.

Marty lived his dash well. See the next blog for dash explanations. Peace be with you Marty.

happy thanksgiving

Ambs...hope you had a great thanksgiving! it was great to talk with you the other day and i'm thankful for you, that's for sure. you truly blessed me on my birthday and i'm truly thankful for all that you've done for me. i hope you can get the same from me when it's your turn! :)

Anyway. I hope things are going well...

Miss you girl!

One of those nights

Do you ever have one of those nights where you feel like nothing else could go wrong? I am pretty much in tears just typing that. I feel alone...and it's not even PMS week.

My mom was sorta nice today, but on the same time lecturing me about stuff I didn't care to listen to her lecture me about. She just had this tone...and all I wanted to do was hang up on her.

My dad had an attitude with me and seemed to care less if I called him this evening or not.

Kylee took several steps today and it appeared as though she were going to be walking all over...but she didn't...she stopped. Of course Chris made me feel like I was exaggerating and that she wasn't walking.

Do we dare touch the subject of Chris. He about drove me crazy this evening. I don't understand why he speaks so rudely to me...I didn't do anything to deserve it. He says I didn't do anything to tick him of...so what's with the attitude. I tried to talk to him. I tried to find out what was bugging him. I tried to be nice. I tried...it's so frustrating.

Do you ever just feel like people could care less about how you feel.

It was upsetting me to see our roomie play with Kylee and have such a glimmer in his eye...while to Chris it appears to be a chore. Just makes me sad. I know he loves her, but I wish he had the same twinkle.

The bathroom is going to be a full on project. Thankfully my roomie is willing and able to complete the task.

My job is boring and I am stuck there for now. Just when I think I am ready to work in the office again I question if I am ready to leave Kylee. She is my joy.

The chore list for Chris and I is already a failure. He did it the first day and sort of the second day. Today he couldn't give a crap.

I guess I am just feeling like a downer today. Geez...Jules goes to NYC for 3 days and I fall to pieces. It just makes me appreciate her way more...love ya girl!

I wanna cry, but I don't feel like defending myself to Chris and explaining what is bothering me yet again, just for him to be mad.

Will this cycle ever end? Or...is this my life. Two weeks ago he was determined to try...and now...already back to where we were. I even pointed that out...he just looked at me with this blank look...and made his hand into a a little yapping mouth sign. Nice huh.

Perhaps today was just a bad fricken day. Hopefully I can wake up with a smile...no sink...but a smile.

Definately not a typical morning in our house...

This morning...I am sitting here working...I hear this loud BANG/FALL/CRACK from the other side of the house...louder than when the shower caddy happens to fall and crash down. Then I hear this spraying noise/scribbly noise like a TV with no signal or whatever. I go walking through the house looking for a TV that might have fallen down. Oh no...not a TV...the bathroom sink in my room fell off the wall and the tube thing came off and water was spraying EVERYWHERE!

So now...imagine Amber...the idiot girl I am running in circles cussing not knowing how to turn the fricken water off. What do I do? I call dad frantic asking how to turn the fricken water off...he tells me to turn the knob below the F..g sink (in his head he is going, STUPID WOMAN, turn the fricken knob). I couldn't get the knob to turn...so dad is yelling at Chris to get the hell home his house is flooding...then I get it to shut off, he tells Chris nevermind, and there I stand in a bunch of fricken water. Then picture me sitting in the middle of water trying to soak it up...crying...cause what the hell...now what. I got water and wet towels everywhere, it's going into my bedroom carpet, and there are sink pieces all over.

Oh to the joy of being home owners.

I guess tonight we'll be shopping for a new sink and maybe some new bathroom flooring and what not. GRRRRREAT!

I feel the need...the need....for speed!....Not really...just the need to vent!

So...I feel the need to vent about some stuff...do you have your seatbelts on...this is going to be a long one. It's not all venting...some is good.

1. I had a great time shopping with Jules on Friday (I totally don't mind holding your purse, bags, or getting you different sizes, just part of being friends). I think it's good for me to go shopping with you cause it makes me want to feel better about myself and work my butt off at the gym. It was nice to meet Becky, she seems like a fun girl. I have a feeling I'll be seeing her again sometime...probably another volleyball game. Of course it was nice to see Mr. Alba again...and I promise it won't be almost 6 years again before we see each other...I guarantee it. The volleyball and company was great! I can't wait for the next home game on Nov 18.

2. I had an interview on Saturday with the Olympia Macy's store. I was offered the job, accepted, but now in retrospect I am not sure it's what I actually want. My mom pointed out a few things that really made me think (damn I hate it when our moms are right sometimes). Chris and I make decent money that neither of us should have to work a second job...so that means we should probably take a closer look at how we are spending money. The homily at church today made me realize, maybe we shouldn't always want more, maybe we should be greatful for what we have and not always want, want, want. Not that wanting isn't okay, but maybe I should just be thankful to have food, clothes on my back, shelter, water, love, family, friends, and not want so much more. So...I really want to be able to do what I want over the holiday season, not work on the weekends, be away from my family and friends, away from my little girl. So...maybe it means I don't get to buy all the Christmas presents I want this year, but maybe that is okay...atleast Kylee doesn't understand yet. It will be hard...cause I do like to give give give give...and over give...but atleast I could spend time with my family and friends. Also, it's not fair for Macy's to hire me and for me not to be a good employee because I really don't want to be there. I'm just not feeling it. I think Chris will be disappointed because that means no extra money...cause I know he likes that idea...but I guess this is one time where I realize money isn't the most important thing.

So...dear friends...what do you think I should do?

3. Hanging out with friends this weekend really made me realize how important it is to have those bonds...those relationships...outside of hanging out with my husband and roomie...it is totally necessary to live life beyond. It was awesome to see Julia on Friday and again on Saturday without wondering "when will be the next time I see her"...because I am going to make sure I see her again SOON!

4. I am going to miss Jules while she is in NY. I know I can just pick up my cell phone and call her, but I probably won't because I know she'll be having a blast in NY...blowing away those NY executives. I am already getting geared up for the 3 hour phone call when she gets home so she can tell me all about her 3 day experience. I can't wait!

5. Chris is still being "nice" to me since our little whatever squabble we had the week before last. He was even offered to go get Jules some popcorn last night at the movies. I guess it's okay he is trying. (NO JULIA...YOU ARE NOT GOING WITH HIM...SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN...WINK WINK...in other words...girl you better sit your butt down so I can talk to you while he goes to get popcorn). I put together a list of chores for the house and split it up on a spreadsheet for Chris and myself so he knows what he should do and I can't get mad if he does everything on his list. I think it's fair. I do more than him, but the things I do more are okay with me. We'll see how long it lasts or if he even does it. He slacked on the niceness a little today...kinda made me wonder if the "phase" of nice was over, but then he apologized a big later when he realized what he had said was rude.

6. Speaking of the movies...Jar Head was awesome. It made me think of so many different things. My cousin's husband has gone to Iraq twice for the current war...and I was just picturing him there walking through the desert...wondering what his family was doing while he is in the desert fighting for his country. Wow. It made me realize how hard it is for troops to be over there. The effects in the movie were great and Jake and Jaime were great. I wanted to cry after Jake almost shot the guy in the glasses. You knew he was trying so hard not to cry and say I'm sorry. I almost lost it. It was good...most likely one for the DVD collection...what to you think Mr. Alba?

7. My dad called to say my sister had to move out of her place today. The lease was up and she can't afford it because her husband isn't giving her any money (they are separated) and is threatening to take their daugther away from her (their son already lives with him). It's a long story...some of you know it. My sister and her husband are still married (needed a divorce years ago), but they can't seem to get the money together to get it done. It's such a mess. The sad part was she didn't even call her family to ask for help. Why doesn't she realize that is a big part of family...being able to ask for help. My dad said she put everything in storage yesterday, but has no where to go. She can't find a place because no one will let her have a big dog and a cat...and she won't get rid of them. Part of me wanted to tell her I'd take the dog until she gets a place, but at the same time...should I let her come to me. She isn't one to ask for help, but I think she needs to wake up and get her crap together. This bull has been going on for years. Such a mess. I guess I can't complain about Chris when I think about what an ass her husband is...makes me ill.

8. Yup...I miss Mr. Alba...not going to elaborate on that one. He claims to be psychic and know me pretty well per his myspace comment...so I don't have to put anything else...he knows.

9. Did I mention Julia is an awesome friend...ya might have caught onto that somewhere up above since I mention her in many blurbs. I'm getting excited for her to have her own place so I can just go hang with her. We can have Scene It and Scrabble wars and not worry about sister-in-laws, brothers, or husbands being around.

10. I have kind of taken on this idea of being "myself" and doing things I want to do...just cause I want to. So there!

I feel better already. Let me know what you think about the Macy's thing...it's all I have been thinking about today...and other stuff obviously, but the Macy's think is buggin' me.

I love you my friends! Thanks for a great weekend! I miss you already! Jules...have a fricken BLAST in NY!